ONE
U1-P1
I don’t expect
it from you all
the time,
but I enjoy
it when
it’s there.
I’ve spent
days in doubt,
wandering
through the walls
of my mind,
thinking
that this means
that, and there is
no way that
the magic we
make could be
shimmering
light and fire
on this cold,
dark world
and be right.
And then
I felt
sun rays
shining right
upon the crevices
of my heart
and into the dark
webs
of my void.
And I thought,
that was just
a moment,
this is what
it is.
Bask
in the knowing.
Forgive
yourself for
panic.
Write
about the process.
Bathe
in the sunlight.
Sleep
for dreams and
spirits who know
you deserve
all the gold.
U1-P2
I am because of presence. Not because of visibility. Invisibility does not equal absence. Many cannot see me. Yet I am here.
We are not trying to survive this crooked room. We are blasting it to pieces. Why be confined to a single room when the whole wide world exists?
U1-P7
Do I exist in your mind?
Can you see me in a future?
Am I still bound up in chains?
Or can you see that I have
wings at my back and fire
at my core? Do you see
yourself unbound, or are
we still in a war? Peace
and truth are only at odds
when halos and horns are
not seen as parts of a
whole.
In your imagination, if I
am there, do you see me
whole? Is there space
there for all my parts
to be, or am I piecemeal,
hacked into separation
so that I can fit? How
many boxes we must have
to hold what is beyond
containment. A limited
imagination could never
hold infinity.
But we can hold
possibility. Do I exist
as a possibility to you?
I know that I am possible
because there are those
who dreamed me. I dream
of them too, and we all
exist as possibilities. We
imagined ourselves and must
imagine each other. Flight
and fire fuel us and must
fuel our imaginations too.
In your traveling, have you
met the parts of yourself
and loved yourself whole?
Or did you resist and
make war within? You
and I have felt the impact
in our bodies, the realness
of being at odds with
any parts of God’s creation,
of denying that any of
ourselves deserves the
connection. As parts of
God and parts of each other,
God becomes visible
as we face inside and out.
How can we see if we
willfully avert our eyes?
I want to stare directly
at all of your light,
soft and blazing. My eyes
are accustomed to such
brightness because I have
gazed intently into my own.
U1-P9
I don’t want them or me to have to be dead for them to finally see me or themselves. We should all look now while we’re of the flesh. We can. But we choose to sit unseeing as if our hands were created to be shackled to cover our eyes. Our hands are gifts to create, to heal, to draw forth the very worlds that only our hands can design, can soothe, can conjure.
I often think of dying. Not in the sense of I want to (although I have), or of running out of time (although Time is running), or of “my living might be in vain” (although I do have this fear). But more like I don’t want to have to come back and do this shit again. If I am a portal now then come through me. Choose to see the opening. Choose to seal the portals of trauma through which we came. Those are closing. I would not like to be stuck inside of them when they do. And I hope you are coming too.
I don’t want them or me to have to be dead to see the other side. And I say this fully aware that I have died many times over. It was only through my dying that I could reach the other side. Dying in the flesh is no longer required. Being in the flesh is.